Pence Dutifully Accepts Position As Coronavirus Czar Although His New Year Resolution Was To Be President By Now

WASHINGTON D.C. - Vice President Mike Pence dutifully accepted a position as the head of the anti-Coronavirus task force when asked by President Donald Trump today, although he had plans to be sworn in as President himself already.

 

At the turn of the new year, the Vice President made a very achievable goal of attaining the highest executive position in the government, or so he thought. The actions of the President leading to the impeachment trial made Pence overly optimistic about the fate of the President. 

 

Although he is still the number two in the White House the Vice President still thinks he will have a chance at taking the seat behind the resolute desk. "Have you seen how this guy eats?," remarked the Vice President, "He's a ticking time bomb. He's three cheeseburgers away from being found slumped over his golden toilet."

 

When asked what his plan is to tackle the deadly Coronavirus, the Vice President said he plans to make it illegal for any man to be alone in a room with any virus that isn't his own.

 

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