Netflix Is Raising Prices Next Month Because Where Else Are You Going To Stream The Office Over And
NEW YORK, NY - Netflix is set to raise the price of their monthly subscription plans next month by one to two dollars each because they reportedly have you right where they want you.
Their sophisticated algorithms and intense development of original content aren't to blame either, as the price hike is seemingly due to the fact that 87% of millennials who use the service wouldn't be able to function without reruns of the popular NBC sitcom The Office constantly playing in the background of their lives.
"Through our research, we have identified that The Office accounts for more hours of streaming that any other program by a long shot. At this point we realize that most people are using it as an emotional crutch, laughing at the follies of Michael and Dwight while hiding from their own insecurities and shortcomings," said a Netflix spokesperson.
"We have them emotionally right where we want them. They'll pay us anything to watch Threat Level Midnight for the 13th time while they scroll through their smartphones avoiding social obligations and instead thoughtlessly send memes to their friends who in response send the obligatory 'lol' furthering the cycle of dependence more and more."
Netflix considers the small hike merciful, knowing the added cost could be three times more and the average millennial would still shell out the money for the service.
"When you have $69,000 of student debt, 20 more bucks a year for the company of Dunder Mifflin is really nothing," said the spokesperson.