WASHINGTON D.C. - Growing tired of trying to steer the Trump administration in the right direction when it comes to National Security and Defense measures, Secretary of Defense Jim "Mad Dog" Mattis found the job too challenging and decided to try something easier after he leaves the administration in February: trying to cure cancer.
"For me, after my 44 years of serving in the US Marines, I sought a challenge like I had never encountered before: I joined the Trump administration. I thought that the nearly five decades serving in the Marines would help me tone down the President's rhetoric or at least make him stop tweeting... but I soon learned he would be my greatest adversary yet," admitted the departing General.
In a move to try something easier and more doable than reigning in Trump, the General plans to dive head first into oncology and try to find the cure for cancer.
"At the end of the day, if I put all the time and energy I put into helping President Trump, which was all a waste, into something more easily done, like curing cancer, maybe I would have had made a difference by now."
Mattis was reportedly seen at the Walter Reed Medical Center knifehanding a cancer patient over and over again in an attempt to scare the tumors right out of their body.