Local Giraffe With Sore Throat Ready To Just Die Already

SAN DIEGO, CA - Gerry the Giraffe, a local resident at the world famous San Diego Zoo, recently came down with a sore throat after eating one too many spikes off of a acacia tree in it's habitat.


"Fucking Christ," said Gerry to reporters, "Do you know how long my Goddamn throat is? Six fucking feet, that's about 12 times as long as yours. Every swallow is fucking torture."


Sources say that Gerry was initially excited that the zookeepers were brewing him a cup of soothing lavender honey tea then realized that he couldn't drink it because he didn't have hands and the mug was about 16 feet below his mouth.


"Fucking bullshit," remarked Gerry, "Can't I just have the sweet release of death already? Just end me? I know this isn't the Safari, I know I am not in Africa. I can see the cage. I know I am a puppet for these little fuckers. Just let me die already. Every swallow is a six foot blast of pain that reminds me that my cruel existence is as a slave to third graders."


Zookeepers told reporters that the sore throat will pass in time but it looks like the wokeness of Gerry won't be going anywhere any time soon.

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