SAN DIEGO, CA - Local man, Alexander Petit, continues to regularly write and update his new site, despite a definitive lack of readership. Posting the fake news from his seldom trafficked satire news site, the aspiring author sits down once or twice and week and spends valuable time writing articles and witticisms that are shared to his Facebook wall and only occasionally liked or commented upon by no more than half a dozen people from his pool of over 1,000 Facebook friends.
“This is really something that I feel is getting traction. Real traction. Readership this week has doubled over last week!” commented Petit on the fact that his most recent article got four likes rather than the occasional two. When asked why he writes, he answered that it was cheaper than drinking, and he felt just as bad the next day so it seemed like an economical no-brainer.
Faithful readers of the budding site include two of Petit’s friends from his high school years who regularly show the author their support by occasionally commenting and even, on rare occasions, sharing his content. “Funny.. And yet sad. Lol,” was the remark reader Holly Jones poignantly left on Petit’s latest piece, unknowingly encouraging the local author to write even more, despite the obvious lack of demand.
Anthony Pettitte, who bears no relation to the Editor-in-Chief commented, “.... Oh my god, that was glorious.” on a post recently, which experts agree was most likely an accidental comment. A local researcher who first stumbled upon the barely read page saw the comment as an outlier:
“Frankly, no one else has even acknowledged this guy, and we are supposed to believe that this Pettitte guy thinks it’s ‘glorious’? Give me a break. The office pool has 3:1 odds that Petit lazily made up the Pettitte account just to comment on his own work. Either way, it’s pretty pathetic.”
Despite the tepid interest, trends show that the satire site will continue at the current pace, despite the less than stellar response as common sense shows that the author would have quit much sooner if he cared at all about his news site being read by anyone, anywhere, ever.
When asked about what 2018 had to offer for his faithful readers, Petit gleefully replied, “Well, you’ll just have to read to find out!” If that’s the case, it seems that is will remain a mystery for this reporter.