Motor Oil Now Classified As An Essential Oil

NEW YORK CITY, NY - A team of scientists analyzing the potential health benefits of so called essential oils that are commonly sold as cures and treatment alternatives, came upon the conclusion that out of all the tests, motor oil seemed to be the most essential.


A head scientist on the project, Todd Slick had this to say about the discovery, "Motor oil was the only tested oil that seemed extremely vital to the everyday life of over 97% of our data set. You simply cannot get to work by pouring peppermint oil in your car."


Furthermore, lavender oil was downgraded to a trivial oil, only to be used sparingly if you can't just have drink to take the edge off.


"Look, at the end of the day, olive oil was also bumped up to a "gotta-have" oil but peppermint, lavender, citron, spearmint and davana oils aren't going to keep machines running in the factories that produce goods, they aren't going to keep UPS trucks running so they can deliver your Amazon packages, they certainly aren't going to be used to pollute the Gulf of Mexico. Motor oil wins this one, far and away. It is about as essential as you can get."

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