Paul Ryan Announces Retirement In Order To Spend More Time With Three Month Old Tax Plan

WASHINGTON D.C. - Speaker of the House Paul Ryan announced this week that he will not be seeking reelection next year when his term ends so that he can spend more time at home with his three month old Tax Plan. The new addition to Ryan's portfolio of accomplishments is causing it's father to step back from the limelight to watch it grow and prosper without the worries of having to deny having read President Trump's tweets every morning.


"This bill is going to add over 1.5 trillion dollars to the deficit of this country. That's a huge number, I don't think I would get the same satisfaction on Capitol Hill as I would on my back porch in Janesville watching these corporations save billions while the average worker's check goes up a buck and a half a week," remarked Ryan on his decision not to run.


"I don't know how long this plan has to live, and I want to be with it and give it the attention it needs while I still can. I mean it is the size of a postcard now, but it needs to add an unprecedented amount of debt to the deficit, that's not going to happen over night."


Ryan denies reports that he is quitting because he is afraid he will lose his reelection bid, is tired of having to work for President Trump or because the party he once nearly led as a Vice President nominee is in a mere shadow of its former self.


The Speaker of the House is also reportedly excited to grow a beard again and cannot wait to get the retirement money he earned from the government at the age of 50, while he can watch the average citizen work 15 more years before they get to retire.

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