Horrible Man Stays On Script For An Hour, Magically Becomes Presidential

WASHINGTON D.C. - For a short time after last night's State of the Union Address, cable news pundits from all networks applauded President Donald J. Trump for reading off of a teleprompter for over an hour without swearing, tweeting, rambling or screaming the words, "Fake News." The coverage was flattering and correspondents seemed to be very impressed with the deliver of the State of the Union, somehow thinking that a one hour speech could even make up for what Trump has done in the last week.


The President simply entered the Capitol Building, went to his podium and read prearranged remarks while occasionally pausing for Republican applause. Many were impressed with his ability to restrain himself from starting chants, inciting violence, complimenting Nazis, praising Vladimir Putin, cheating on his wife with a porn star, tweeting angrily at a celebrity, firing a member of the West Wing staff, eating a cheeseburger, watching cable television, ordering a diet coke, lying about his weight, making overtly racists remarks, being incredibly misinformed about healthcare, trade, the military and taxes, mentioning the made-up five million voters that illegally voted for Clinton, firing a top DOJ official, playing golf, meeting with Russian intelligence officials, impersonating a disabled reporter, flying to Mar-a-Lago, boasting about his electoral college victory, battling war hero's widows, insulting fourth generation Naval Officers who were Prisoners of War, mentioning or gesturing to the size of his penis, questioning President Obama's birthplace, mentioning his ratings during the apprentice, lying about TIME Magazine cover appearances, or how weird it is that Mike Pence calls his wife "Mother".



Pundits seemed to forget about the last year and the year before that when President and then Candidate Trump lowered the bar so far for himself that reading is considered a remarkable accomplishment.

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