WASHINGTON D.C. - Upset and dismayed at the release of Michael Wolff's shocking new tell-all of the inner workings of the White House, Fire and Fury, President Trump recently admitted the part of the experience that made him so upset. When questioned by a reporter he responded:
"I usually like, read, okay, several hours a day, believe me, I do, so it wasn't that I had to read the book, okay, the whole book mind you, many, many pages, you wouldn't even believe it, okay, believe me, it was so fake you know, this stuff they write, I mean who is this guy? Anyways, I'm there trying to read this book, not as good as The Art of the Deal okay, which, we all know I wrote and is, and I am being very humble here, almost too humble, people say that you know, that I am too humble, like okay, Chuck Schumer shut down the government you know, they won't tell you that on CNN, because they are fake news, anyways, I read a lot, and my favorite book, besides The Bible which I love, great book, Jesus, great guy, I hear he is doing great things, Pence, my buddy, Mike he tells me all the time about the great stuff Jesus is doing, but let's be honest, okay? Probably not as much as me, I mean no President has ever had as much accomplished, okay, in such a short amount of time, believe me okay. So I have this book pop out of nowhere by this guy Michael Wolff? Like who is that guy? Okay, I have never met this guy ever, and he is probably friends with Bannon, that loser Steve Bannon who I hired for like a week to get us coffee, very low-level stuff, okay, lowest you would ever know. Anyways, this fake book says all kinds of stuff, that's a lie, believe me, and I read it you know, well yeah, I got through the highlights, my time is very valuable you know, and I was pretty mad, and I am a very stable man, very stable genius, like really smart, and was mad to have to read this because it was, like obviously all completely fake. Okay? So to answer your question no I do not know that porn star that there is a picture of me hugging. Next question."
Balanced and Fair News planned on reporting more on the press conference but trust us, it only gets worse from there.