President Donald Trump held the first annual Fake News Awards yesterday awarding honors to CNN, The New York Times, ABC and The Washington Post while snubbing the industry leader in fake news, The Onion. Publishing since 1988 The Onion has been the nation’s leader in satirical and fake news articles for nearly three decades, and yet the President failed to mention the organization even once during the awards show.
“Frankly, I’m amazed,” said Chad Nackers, The Onion’s current Editor in Chief, “I don’t mean to brag, but we practically invented fake news, no wait, we did. Look it up. Seriously, thirty years of this shit and we get rebuffed at the first awards? That’s like Trump not appearing at the bottom of every list of the best presidents, it is unacceptable.”
Other writers at The Onion were equally dismayed, some wondering what they were even doing in the space if they couldn't get such an obvious award. Mike Gillis, senior writer at the leading satirical news site came into work on Thursday with his head hung low and his shoulders slumped in a sign of utter defeat, "We work day in and day out coming up with real fake news, some really clever stuff about Trump, his kids, and the Bannon jokes, they're gold I tell you! Gold! And look at us now, 28 years in the making and it is like we don't even exist. Maybe I'll go write real news for the Times if that's what it takes!"
Reports indicate that hope is not all lost by the team at The Onion as they have doubled their efforts to win an award next year, the only concern is that whoever the President will be in 365 days might not host the show as a way to not bring attention to President Trump's jail sentence.
In an effort of full transparency, Balanced and Fair News was also not considered for a Fake News Award, and that like, totally, sucks man.