SAN DIEGO, CA - When local San Diego resident Alexander Petit said that he would try and eat healthier in the New Year to shed a few pounds and start 2018 on a more positive note, some of his friends doubted his resolve. Mr. Petit went on record stating his decision to make the change came as an epiphany sometime around 11 PM on New Year’s Eve.
“So there I was, about an hour left in 2018, and I thought, hey, I’ll eat better next year, that’ll be my resolution,” said Alexander as he was licking his fingers from the last cinnamon twist of the night.
Jason Fleming, a friend of Mr. Petit’s was less than optimistic when he heard of the resolution, “I mean, sure, maybe he will start 2018 on the right note, but he just ate an entire Domino’s pizza by himself, cleaned out half of the cinnamon twists and is currently scraping the bottom of the salsa bowl... it’s four minutes to midnight. I guess anything is possible.”
Critics be damned, reports found that Petit had indeed reduced his caloric intake and increased his exercise frequency in the first week of 2018. Alexander was seen choosing salads over high fat options, running instead of watching Netflix and even taking the stairs at work.
The week of progress came to a sudden halt when a small reward got out of control on the evening of January 6th. To celebrate a week of keeping his resolution, Petit decided that just one bite of a Snickers with Almonds couldn’t hurt. Reports indicate he successfully took one bite and savored the treat. Then he realized his mouth had a strange chocolate aftertaste that that only ice
cream could certainly alleviate. The ice cream he chose was about a quarter full so Alexander thought taking one serving wouldn’t be fair to the next person wanting the treat, so he finished off the pint. This led him to go ahead and finish the Snickers because, in Alexander’s words, “Hey why not? I ran yesterday.”
At the time of press, Alexander is reportedly sluggish and unfocused due to a diet consisting of Eggo Waffles, Lunchables, Chinese takeout and Flintstones Push-pops.