SAN JUAN, PR - Enrique Lopez, a resident of San Juan Puerto Rico, recently lost everything he owned in the wake of the Category 5 Hurricane which devastated the small island last week. His home, dog, vehicle and the entirety of his possessions were washed away by the powerful winds and flooding of the storm. Starving and alone, Lopez sought aid at the local shelter where he was ushered into a crown of people set to meet with the President of the United States.
“The roll of paper towels hit me square in the face,” said Lopez, commenting on his solitary possession recently acquired from the leader of the free world. “I do wish it was two-ply, though,” remarked the homeless and now paper towel owning Puerto Rican citizen.
Enrique went on to point out how he is very grateful that the President even showed up. “When you think about it. Thousands died during Katrina, and Bush took days to get to New Orleans, Trump came out here and we only have 16 confirmed dead. Sixteen Hispanics! He’s really someone special for taking his time to come here and pelt paper towels at us.”
Others at the makeshift rally had the same sentiments, a local school teacher, Rita Gonzales, had this to say of the President’s visit, “Well, I am glad he is actually doing something unlike the Mayor. I mean he is supposed to be golfing, we really appreciate his help. Sure, we don’t have running water or electricity but you should see the smiles on people’s faces knowing that trophy was dedicated to us. It’s really turned our spirits around. I don’t even think I’ll be too bothered sleeping on the street tonight knowing that trophy is really for us!”
Lopez left after Trump had finished tossing the one-ply paper towel rolls to the citizens of Puerto Rico, smiling as he reached the plot of land where his house once stood. He reportedly was seen at the time of press trying to eat the roll of paper towels for sustenance, a smile on his face, focusing on a bright future ahead.